So.  This is what is going on in my neck of the woods.  After several years of going through the heartbreaking cycle of trying and failing to conceive, we have stumbled on an option that has some alluring anecdotal evidence.  I heard about the bean diet once, laughed it off, heard about it again a week later, laughed again, heard about it yet again a few days later, and decided that perhaps someone was trying to send me a message.  I mean, how many people have heard about a bean diet at all?  And here I had had it mentioned to me three times in the course of two weeks.  So I began to do my research.  Through word of mouth, I found a girl in my town who has the fertility condition I have, PCOS, and who has been able to conceive by eating the bean diet.  She and I got together and I listened to her talk while I gazed in adoration at her 11 month old baby boy.  This girl had not had a cycle for one year, and after two months on the bean diet (that's TWO MONTHS), she conceived.  Amazing.

Now, not all women with PCOS are alike or even anywhere near the same.  We all have our little quirks and factors to consider, since PCOS is really just an umbrella term to describe a whole bunch of different symptoms that infertile women may or may not have.  But still, this girl made me feel the small nudgings of hope trying to sprout.

Luckily for me, the nutritionist who advocates the bean diet (at least in this neck of the woods) lives only an hour and a half away, near my inlaws.  So we set up an appointment to see her, and in we went.  She was passionate and excited and the whole appointment felt like a whirlwind.  She told us that she has helped hundreds of women with PCOS to conceive, and that if I would do what she tells me, she can help us too.  HOPE!  It had been so long since I felt any.  She handed me an individualized plan that was two pages long, and the No List was way longer than the Allowed List.  I am not normally one to do things in extremes, and I have often stated that I do not support "diets" that do not advocate moderation.  However, here I am with an almost five year old and no new little ones in sight, overweight, and ready to throw my ideals out the window in order to become a momma again.

The plan is this: 1. three meals a day with: a palm-sized portion of efficient protein, 1/2 cup of vegetables, and 1/2 cup of beans; and 2: 1-1/2 cups of lightly salted tree nuts.  Simple, right?  A lot of things are excluded at this point, including tomatoes and dairy, and hopefully I will get those added to my plan once she feels I am cleansed and ready to go.  However, one thing I will not get back: sugars/starches, in any form.  No fruits, no sweets, no breads or pastas or potatoes.  Not even one bite (she was specific about that).  Crazy, right?  Well, is it?  Are we not a society that relies far too much on sugar and treats?  Are those things our bodies need?

I go back and forth in my mind about whether this is right/smart/crazy/cultish, but I am doing it.  I have felt effects already that have been exciting.  I have more energy, I sleep well at night and don't have the urge to sleep during the day, my moods have been stable, and I HAVE NOT HAD ONE HEADACHE SINCE I STARTED!!!!!!!!  This is big, people.  It's very big.  It will be awhile before I know the effect on my cycle.  I went off of birth control, which we had been using to stimulate ovulation in our attempts at trying to conceive, and I know my body is all kinds of messed up when it comes to hormone levels.  The next time I talk to the nutritionist I plan to ask for her thoughts on a timeline, as we are feeling just slightly impatient.  :) 

The boy says:

1.  neat = meat  (Part of Your World from The Little Mermaid: "Look at this stuff, isn't it meat?")

2.  goofball = gooseball ("Momma, you are such a gooseball!")

3.  excited = incited ("Ethan's coming over?  I'm so incited!")

These little creatures are magical, and they change so quickly.  We have already lost so many of his verbal quirks and cutenesses.  I am terrified that I am going to forget his toddler vernacular.  I never want to forget.

In other news, we are at the very beginning of the adoption process.  I am not resolved to this and I feel rather sick about it, but I feel that our son deserves siblings.  It is so difficult.

Thanks for being so understanding, guys.  It's just a pissy little complaint from someone who is hurting.  I have several friends who are pregnant, who know that I am struggling to become pregnant, and yet it does not seem to occur to them to be subtle about the complaining.  Whatever, they are in their own little words, as they should be. 

It's gloomy today.  And so am I.